February 1, 2003 / 12:21am

oh. Look it’s already February. Sheesh. Happy Chinese New Year (of the Goat)…

just came from UP BroadGuild’s “Destino”. It was a pre-valentine affair of some sort. Only You by Robert Downey Jr and Marissa Tomei as the main event. There was a sort of mini-concert at the beginning – killing me with sentimental songs and stuff. Christ. I knew this was a bad idea… well, not really *bad idea* as in *I didn’t enjoy* bad idea but… yeah. Up to now, I’m still awake, now if that isn’t a bad idea… I don’t know what is.

Destiny is a lie. It’s an escape route of some sort, and it leads you straight to hell. (Infernity, as Julie would’ve said)… nah I think I’m just bitter. But no. Destiny does not exist… well, not until we make it happen.

Not until I do.

Well it feels like I’m still waiting in the shadows, lurking… probably too lazy. Or rather, too scared. Yes, I think the second option sounds more… realistic. Too scared to make things happen.

Too scared of failing. Because really that’s where it starts. From the trying. And then when you do, only then can you fail. Others say not trying in itself is a failure… but sure is a less painful one.

I wonder, really, what’s the ultimate probability of something like that happening, anyway? I guess for me, definitely a lot more than… 10B to 1. cynical, cynical me. and hey, guess what, one of the characters even had my name. Thankfully, not Marissa Tomei’s (who by the way was dropdead gorgeous…) cause hers was Faith. How appropriate.

I am so starting that Hum1 paper… I really am.