Mar. 8, 2003

the week-that-was review

okay, i'm relatively more relaxed this weekend. as compared to the other weekends, especially the last couple of them, god. all i can say is, looking back, i'm rather glad and surprised i'm still alive to... well, write this, and look back. sort of. i get that feeling all the time now.

it's just that... i'd reached a point where... where i'm just so damned tired, and i don't know what to do with my life, and yeah, most of the time, i just sit there and stare at my deskplanner, which, by the way, is full and crammed like hell... and i just sit there, and i stare, i stare hard until there are tears in my eyes.

at two a.m., i usually find myself crying. not really out of pain... more out of confusion, and pity. sometimes, i pity myself for subjecting myself to these tortures. and mind you, i somewhat enjoy them. yes, yes, i sometimes strike myself as a very very weird confusing character...

so. yeah. monday. afternoon. chasing superstars and pulling them down from the heavens for a forty minute interview, and then spending three nights and graveyard shifts just to put them back on some makeshift pedestal on paper i can submit to my journ prof as a personality profile.

tuesday, wednesday, thursday nights. just sitting there, blank word processor screen, question of what the fuck to start with... and then dozing off. too tired, missing sleep, laptop on for almost twelve hours straight, forgotten...

and i was right there, thinking, fuckin hell, i'd have to undergo this with every damned article i have to turn in!? christ.

three, four, five cigarettes, my roommate was ready to chop my head off, she really was. but i couldn't help it. they're all i have, those nasty nicotine sticks. couldn't get my brain working, and besides they're lip-exercise.

oh lip-exercise. let's not talk about lip-exercise...

why do people do the things they do? ...