Apr. 2, 2003

rantage

okay. life's pretty fine and dandy now where i'm at, considering second semester's coming to a close in a few days, and all. yes. not to mention my journ prof liked my tuesdays with morrie news feature. not only did she give it a 1.0 flat, she told the class she liked it.

and yes, that matters. because all this time, i'd been conditioning myself to be ready for all sorts of rejection and all that pain, but then again... maybe there's room for a little appreciation after all.

it matters because.. because it's the only article i wrote to please myself. and not her. all the others, i wrote with the thought, "what would she like to read?" but this one... this one, i wrote with my own satisfaction in mind. i wrote it, and i was happy about it, and for once i didn't care if she didn't like it, because i was extremely happy about how i'd written it.

i'd always thought it's better to write for self-satisfaction. then came encanto, and i got a freaking 2.0 because of that principle, so i decided to ditch it altogether...

but then again, maybe encanto really was a bitch, and maybe, just maybe, she doesn't matter much. =)

looking back, i'd say it was all worth it - the rush, the panic, the freak-outs, the sleepless nights, the headaches, the pollution. all worth it. i learned a lot, and for once, i actually liked what i was doing because i knew i could be good at it if i tried.

with encanto, everything was just frustrating. you know the feeling of trying your goddamned hardest but never getting the least credit for anything?! that sucks. that really sucks. but then, she's a bitch, and she doesn't matter. yes. thought i should remind myself.

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