Dec. 22, 2004

weird dreams galore!

ano ba kasi pinag-iiisip ko lately, tsk

i had this 24-ish/alias-ish dream last night, which involved me getting shot in thrice in the head and not dying, me picking up an axe and wanting to hack a military-dressed person with it, and, most curiously, me fucken crying to sir avecilla so he'd be my lawyer. (i remember my dream dialogue being, "where's sir chito when you need him most?") and in my dream, sir chito was actually very nice - he said something like shouldering the fees and accompanying me to the station, or something.

weirdness abounds! sabi ko nga, most likely to get sued for libel ang award ko sa yearbook! heheheh sana di ako nanalo dun, anyway...

my dream was... surprisingly coherent. i was supposedly working on a big investig story (whoa thinking career much?) concerning corruption in the QC government, so it was actually mayor sonny belmonte who was trying to get me killed. he did try to shoot me thrice after a confrontation in a press con. and i fucken survived, so yeah, definitely dream material. so after surviving, i went after mayor with an AXE, the type they use for fire emergencies. ayan na ang calling ko - SHE-RA! hahahaha. =)

so after surviving - i was very very bloody in the face (dinaplisan ata ako kaya ako nag-survive) tapos bumalik ako sa presscon na, well, bloody at may dalang itak. tapos i was ready to talk - i-announce ko sana na hello, they fucken tried to kill me (see? surprisingly coherent, nakakatakot) then the big scary uniformed guys tried to arrest me.

at this point, i started looking for somebody in the audience to accompany me, kasi i had this feeling na they weren't planning to lawfully arrest me, but rather, summarily execute me to get it over and done with. (ambobo kasi ng pagkakabaril sa akin the first three times. gash, sidney bristow much? anyway.) >> again i say, ang coherent ng panaginip ko!

and so i thought, i should get a lawyer. (coherence points!) and then, for some reason, i started looking for sir chito in the audience. (ayan, the coherence eventually dies down from this point onwards.) and then i found him, i started freaking CRYING in front of him, begging him to be my lawyer, and to go with me with the big scary guys kasi nga i was scared they'd try to kill me *again*. scarier still, kasama pa namin ang driver niya. gad, sobrang makatotohanan, i swear.

and so sumama kami. true enough, di ako sa presinto dinala, kundi sa isang malaking mansion. kung saan andun si jobert, ang boss ng mga goons.

sabi ko sa inyo, eventually the coherence died down! hello, si jobert, kanang kamay ni belmonte na goon!? from alias and 24, biglang naging lito lapid vs lito legaspi movie ang nabagsakan ng plot ng panaginip ko. bwahahhaha.

and then i woke up. sakit sa puso actually, yung naiyak na part kay sir avecilla...

* * *

and then, last night, heartbreakmode.

me: i don't know how to handle post-grad separation myself, honestly. i'd probably walk around broken for a few months.

x: don't do that. don't walk around broken. i'm not worth it.

me: sure you are.

(pause)

x: no i'm not. i'm a coward, and i can't handle a relationship with you. i'm sorry i wasn't, i couldn't be your ideal first.

me: ah, the first ones are always set aside for the most devastating ones, anyway.