May 19, 2005

i lost my phone in bora (and other stories)

oh well, the highlight of my more or less two-week absence from this blog is, well, the loss of my cellphone somewhere along the shores of boracay. that's exactly it, you know. the sand's so SOFT you wouldn't hear a thing falling. damn.

um, i think that meant so much on different levels. let's forget that.

anyway. FOUR YEARS! i've had that number since high school, like... shit. i've done so much with that number. SO MUCH. agh. ngayon pa ako nasenti, samantalang inaway ko yung kasama kong naglakad along the shore habang naghahanap ng fone sa sobrang stress. it was 4 a.m. and two red horses after, my sincerest apologies.

anyway.

boracay was nice, though it could've been nicer had we stayed longer and, uh... had i caught a glimpse of princess punzalan's wedding harhar. kidding. and yeah, had i not had my period pa pala. damn. minsan talaga, nabibwisit ako sa pagiging babae. grr. na-tempt nga akong patulan yung mga promo na o.b. tampons eh hehehe kidding.

we stayed for a night lang with really simple accommodation care of relatives, then we proceeded to my father's hometown in Jaro, Iloilo. come to think of it, we haven't gone there as often as we'd been going to cebu-leyte-bohol (my mom's turf) for the last ten years. i found it weird but interesting, all those relatives. feel namin relatives namin buong jaro, as in kinailangan naming magpaalam sa lahat ng tao nung paalis na kami a couple of days after.

i swear the pictures will come soon enough.

we did pass by guimaras also - and to admit, the scenery was a whole lot better, kasi less people and not to mention boats, di gaya nung sa bora. wala nga ata akong matinong shot ng shoreline sa bora eh, kasi naman mas marami pa tao kesa buhangin, pano weekend.

so there, from alabang we went to batangas pier where we stayed at an aunt's house kahit brownout (shit simula pa lang eh malas na) and then we rode the Roro to Calapan, Mindoro. and then we drove, two three four hours to Roxas City, still in Mindoro, where there's another boat to Caticlan, which is 15 minutes away from Boracay by jetty BUT two, three hours away from the nearest Chowking outlet in Kalibo, Aklan by car. the weirdness.

so needless to say, the drive was tiring. star talaga ang tatay ko, hayop ang... uh, drive. este, will... to drive. ehhehe. sorry dad, pero winner ka talaga, ang lakas mo for a 60-year-old guy *wink* (aside - i am especially thankful my dad's already retired, what with the rise of airplane accidents lately *shudder* mga kakilala pa man din niya yung mga yun, mga kaklase sa flying school...)

and i got sick. =( they forced me into getting a flu vaccine last monday, (VACCINE! NEEDLES! i'll post a horrible picture, i swear.) and bam, the next day, my antibodies went AWOL on me. i was motion sick, my stomach was all blurry and acidy, i had no appetite, and i had fever. it's SUMMER and i had FEVER. all while on a loooooong drive from Jaro, Iloilo to the edge of Aklan. christ. some five to seven hours, i think, of nothing but road.

but i'm glad i'm home to resume my life. it's been fun (always) sticking with family hehehe kahit na stress and less than stellar yung accommodations namin, pero we survive naman. always. pamilyang cowboy ata ito.

on other matters.

(whew mega update)

sana lord konti na lang talaga. gusto ko na pong magtrabaho at makatulong sa pamilya ko.

past few weeks have been stressful, career-wise (naknam, career-wise), sukat ba namang datnan ka sa araw mismo ng medical, di ko tuloy nasubmit urine ko for drug test. damn, na-delay tuloy... and i didn't get the position i was dreaming of, sad =( pero i think i'll have fun wherever they put me naman. (and i just said it because i thought that's what they wanted to hear...) >> somehow, i'm now scared of dying young. (wow, bago yun ah.)

anyway. interviews and interviews. grabe ha, ilang beses na akong nainterview by people from the same company, and i STILL don't know what to say. :( klutz.

the depression still hasn't cleared out. (see previous entry) despite all efforts to patch things up, they still remain non-negotiable. dang. i suspect, this is the start of a really long stretch of loneliness. long and HARD and depressing. ugh, i'm going to be alone. AGAIN. well, i hadn't been alone for a long time, you know. i guess it has to feel weird at the beginning.

(it has just occurred to me. i read a text message from somebody else's fone, the message, which was extra-sweet, came in at around the same time the previous post down there came in, and it was, well, from the other person, who practically got everything i did for *less* by the simple virtue of being male -- yes, both effort and/or price, sorry to make you sound like a commodity but you should realize you won't be if you don't act half as fickle as the stock market, damnit and ugh, i hate it when it hurts because i don't have a back-up plan.)

look, you have options that i don't, so quit looking so surprised about why i'm walking around like a total mess, okay? and besides, i told you i'd walk around broken for the next few months, and there's nothing you could do if you couldn't be what i asked you to be.

the whole fiasco's turning me into a monster, and i can't help it. somebody, please, just have the decency to just... come along, woncha? i need someone new to fancy.

no, i mean, really.

===

the glass finally is half-empty. still pathetic, what's new...

===

and, for some necessary buffy intervention (ugh, i miss btvs...)

.. and one day, without even realizing it, you find you're in love. Time stops, and it feels like the whole world's made for you two, and you two alone, until the day one of you leaves and rips the still-beating heart from the other, who's now a broken, hollow, mockery of the human condition.
- Willow, s4 ep "The Initiative"

>> it's still so true, i just had to quote it again.