Nov. 7, 2005

shallow

first, there were multi-functional pencil cases, bicycles and rollerblades. so you tell your dad, "dad, i want one of those," because your seatmates had them. the next school years come crawling in, still no multi-functional pencil case or bike or even a single rollerblade wheel. instead, you keep on getting these clothes even after having blatantly displayed lack of interest in dressing up.

years later, as you grow older, pencil cases turn (ironically) into prom dresses, guess jeans and audio cds. and that increase in allowance. because your whole barkada was going in dark blue to the prom and you just had to be pretty too, and because, well, everybody had the latest insertboybandhere cd. but of course, parents being who they were, you only saw a shadow of the increase when VAT came into the picture and even mcdonalds had to raise the price of burgers. and instead of signature clothes, you got books. who wanted books, right? everybody else had the backstreet boys. looking back, ewww, but you know how it was. to be young and coņo and fighting over boy bands, stuff.

eventually, you get into gadgets and stuff. from boy band cds, your wishlist now involved an inexcusably expensive camera phone that generally made your dad wish he had bought you rollerblades na lang in the first place.

in your most shallowest of modes, it really wasn't about not having anything - it was about having things other people have. being like everybody else. fitting in. none of the deep psychological, badchildhood-related things. it's kind of disgusting actually, thinking about it. there were other bigger problems in the world. and this was all. so. shallow.

* * *

fast forward to a year more recognizable, and you find yourself out of school. in your confusion, you had asked some higher being for something that would make you and everybody around you happy.

bam. he got you employed.

sometimes, you wish the higher being gave you a choice, because sometimes it sucks being just employed simply because there wasn't really anything better to do. as if it were the only option for you, you lone shark you.

while all around you people were... finding other people.

most of the time however, you just find it silly. you have a roof over your head, a great family, and a fairly decent stable source of income that preoccupies you for most of the week and gives you a day off.

why start pining for somebody to regularly go to dinner with, for a picture beside yours in your wallet, for a constant textmate in times of horrible hormonal imbalances, and, yeah, company on a cold, scary (immature, sure) halloween night? after all, you're employed. what more could you ask for?

hay. too bad there's nothing you can do to make your dad buy you a significant other. or a car. shallow, shallow, i know.