July 21, 2006

larger than (still) life

i hate having my picture taken - i mean, alone. i don't even remember having a single, decent-looking mugshot since my college ID, which was taken in 2001. the rest - bleh. it's either i look like a drug pusher or the latest model for stresstabs.

there's something about posing for a photograph -- i mean, other than the necessary mugshots of life, like for driver's licenses and SSS ID cards (otherwise known as 'proofs of a valid life' in this country, if you know what i mean) -- that reduces me to a fidgeting five-year-old. for me, nothing compares to the torture of having to stand or sit still before a person ready to take a shot of you -- a permanent, inalterable record, at that -- for reasons other than ID pictures.

funny, considering how the people i've been affiliated with for the longest time are into these modes of recording life as it passes people by -- click, twist and shoot, rewind. yet despite having been with them for so long, i still find myself inexplicably embarrassed to be at the opposite end of the suddenly too intrusive thing.

maybe it's just that i am ever painfully aware of my non-photogenic stature -- really, i'd rather take pictures than be in them. i'm used to being the one calling the shots (pun intended) and directing my trusty model, my favorite sister krista, on how to pose. (which explains why she had such amazing pictures with douglas mcarthur and pontius pilate *gasp* that summer we spent island-hopping in cebu, leyte and bohol, hehe)

photographs are creatures i'm not really gifted with, which is probably why i took journalism instead of film, but no matter. i love taking pictures anyway, as if to say, Hey, I've seen beautiful things, and I want you to see them too.

i think life is beautiful, you just have to know where - and how - to look.