July 26, 2006

non-provocation

if my silence should be misconstrued as the ultimate expression of apathy and disregard, so be it.

but if it counts for anything, that i had chosen to keep mum about something that i care very deeply about took a considerable amount of self-control. i have done this before with another issue that i continue to be very involved in, and suffice it to say that decision to shut up about it had been wise.

with the present issue, this choice has generally been due to the fact that i acknowledge, somewhere between my helplessness and confusion, that there is nothing at the moment that i can say or do that can possibly undo the pain unwittingly dished out, in the midst of all these choices and changes.

i believe if there is something i should apologize for, it is my naivete, which clouded my assessment of the present situations of the several relationships i had chosen to maintain after college. i apologize sincerely for making people feel things i didn't intend for them to feel, and for acting in ways that led people to wrong conclusions.

friends, just because i cannot be seen, it doesn't mean i am not here. i guess, at the bottom of it all, this is just what i wanted to say.