and for my final post this month (can you actually believe we're entering the -ber months already?)
so, an entire day without contact* -- this is some progress, all right. no stray text messages, no missed calls, no religious quote forwards of the God-Bless-Your-Day variety. definitely, a kind of progress.
somebody wants to forget. and how?
first and foremost -- fill the gaps. do the laundry, hang underwear to dry, clean the bathroom tiles. wash the dishes from last night. defrost the ref. fuss with the shower curtains. smooth the bed sheets, fluff your pillows. take out the clothes from the closets, re-fold them, put them back in. more organized, less creases.
take a book with you on your way to work. read on the train, even if you're standing. pick a book from an author she didn't particularly like, about a man whose wife left him. before you knw it, it's already your station, and you've just gone through some 30 to 45 minutes without thinking about her! every progress counts.
smoke more, drink harder, curse louder. listen to other people's stories more intently, laugh more earnestly and talk only when you really mean what you're about to say. read your material more carefully, write as if you're writing a piece for the jvo (you wish). eat more heartily, chew slowly. above all, pray more sincerely.
more importantly -- pay attention to detail. watch a girl walk by, be aware of how the world stops around you -- feel this heart skipping for two seconds only to pump blood out twice as fast. and not really care that it's just a stupid crush -- precisely because that's all it is.
"We could go back to the time when we first met: a man in emotional tatters over someone who had left him, and a woman madly in love with her neighbor. I could repeat what I said to you once: 'I'm going to fight to the bitter end.' Well, I fought and I lost, and now I'll just have to lick my wounds and leave."
"I fought and lost as well. I'm not trying to sew up what was rent. Like you, I want to fight to the bitter end."
"I suffer everyday, did you know that? I've been suffering for months now, trying to show you how much I love you, how things are only important when you're by my side. But now, whether I suffer or not, I've decided that enough is enough. It's over. I'm tired. After that night in Zagreb, I lowered my guard and said to myself: If the blow comes, it comes. It can lay me out on the canvas, it can knock me out cold, but one day I'll recover."
"You'll find someone else."
"Of course I will: I'm young, pretty, intelligent, desirable, but will I experience all the things I experienced with you?"
"You'll experience different emotions and, you know, although you may not believe it, I loved you while we were together."
"I'm sure you did, but that doesn't make it any the less painful. We'll leave in separate taxis tomorrow. I hate goodbyes, especially at airports or train stations."
-p.261-262, paulo coehlo's "the zahir" (yes, the book i take on trains with me.)
*something to be explained in later posts, i hope.