Feb 28, 2007

teh question

today, i share something from 2bU:

ďWhat is it with people and do-overs? What is it about getting and giving second chances that attract us so much? Why do we fall in love with the idea of returning to what is comfortable, familiarÖ flawed?Ē - Sarah Ang, Can We Still Be Friends?

of course, when you start as friends, evolve into something else and then it doesnít work out, what do you do? throw away all that history? easier said than done.

on a rather dry moment onboard the metro train, it suddenly hit me, how iíd never looked at her quite the same way after everything thatís happened between us, after trying for *so* long to be just friends.

i think i read somewhere (and had extensively quoted as well) that a love gone is totally incredible ó and that means unbelievable. and i find this true. i can look at the guy i had secretly showered my affections for the first two years of my college life in a completely platonic, willing-to-be-a-bridesmaid-in-your-wedding kind of way, and think, jesus, i really felt that way about you? (sorry dude, this is introspection.)

itís different, i guess, when you take out your heart, plaster it on your sleeve, decide youíre ready to tell the person youíre actually in love with, eh. adds an entirely different level, changes everything.

and now, of course, in the guise of regular shopping bouts and dine-outs and what-nots, we still get *that* look sometimes, itís surreal, and for that particular moment, i feel like iíll never be able to lose it, that way i look at her, like iíll never be able to look at her any other way ó when sheís sitting beside me on the living room sofa, or when iím standing beside her on the train, or eating in front of her at the mall. like i wonít outgrow it, wonít shake it off.

anyway. i just remembered, because that is what is ultimately so seductive about a past relationship ó that feeling of knowing somebody so well, all you have to do is *look* and everything is there and it is amazing.

and kudos to ms ang here for moving on. that is all.

*

anyway ulit. iím having all these thoughts (much a continuation of the oh god non-elaborative post) because well. i remember so well the way i always felt whenever i was at the brink of something ó always scared of never quite catching the prior feeling exactly ever again. because iím paranoid like that.

and now. yes i guess. yes, iím on the brink of something. (thinking of elaborating. decides against it.) i just am.