March 8, 2007

hands

i hurt my hand today.

rather, this should be, early this morning. around 2:30 a.m. my girl friends and i, out drunk and dancing, a dark bar. my cigarette slipped between my pointer and middle finger, and i was kind of numb to notice quick enough. needless to say, i scalded myself, twin burns on two fingers.

i spent the day subsisting on, more or less, four hours of sleep ó one per bottle of beer i had downed. (surprisingly, beer tastes better with oranges. completely off tangent, but now seems like a good time to insert a piece of advice) i woke up with my fingers sore. i ended up wrapping both fingers in matching band aids, and having difficulty typing and holding a pen all day. crap.

you never really know how vital a part of you actually *is* until, well, until one drunk wednesday morning you drop a fainting cigarette right between two fingers and burn yourself. stupid bad habits.

and so. two ugly band aids on my right - my stronger - hand. this is the hand i use for virtually everything and now i canít even type without them sides of fingers brushing against each other and the friction is ouch.

donít tell me iím getting a little fixated, reason out, ďCome on, itís just a hand.Ē

the thing is this: i have a thing for hands.

itís not in any way meant to be kinky, as people are wont to think when they hear people admitting to a strange fixation ó itís easy to brand it as a hand fetish, and frankly, it may very well be one.

okay, so yeah, itís a hand fetish.

the girl i used to go out with had small hands. (this is meant to be a very basic observation, so curb your perverse side-comments okay? *g*) i mean, when you put our palms together, mine would be slightly bigger, and my hands? if youíve seen my hands, they may be slightly scarred and sore and kind of rough on the edges, but they are not by any means large. she wasnít the type who was fond of holding a hand, though, so it was pretty expected of me to remember that one time she put our hands together and found out that my hand was slightly bigger than hers.

so anyway, thatís not the point. this isnít about trying to remember something from that long ago.

my hand fetish difficulty, as a matter of fact, confronted me quite recently ó in one of my rare moments, i had my guard down, and it hit me really hard. now i canít get it out of my mind.

because your hands, unlike hers, look infinitely strong. (and this was before Sparta, you know.) they look strong and sure and i would never have thought holding on to the edge of something could be construed as something akin to sexy until you got that close and have you any idea how ridiculous feeling like this feels like?

of course, hands that strong (slender and dignified, slightly veined and powerful)? you probably wonít have a clue.